Writing Your Wedding Vows
Did SOMEONE decide you were going to write your own wedding vows and actually remember them during the ceremony? Find yourself at a loss for words? Feeling the pressure? Here are some suggestions to help you get started writing them, and then how to make it through the ceremony when your knees are knocking, your tongue is tied, and everyone is watching.
Talk with your partner about the tone you want to set first. Should they be more formal or informal in tone? Do you want your vows to be deeply personal or not so much? Funny? How long? Are there certain things your fiancé wants included/excluded? Talk about what each of you expects the other's vows to include. Keep in mind these are the promises you are making to your partner that you will work hard to keep for many years to come. If you don't think you can keep it, don't promise it, or say "I will try to..."
Consider including some of the following when writing your vows:
· What were your first impressions when you met your fiancé?
· What qualities do you most admire in your partner?
· Is there a funny story you can tell about the two of you that won't embarrass your partner?
· How does your fiancé inspire you?
· Are there special traits your mate brings out in you?
· How do you feel when you see or are with your sweetheart?
· What makes your relationship tick?
· When did you know he/she was “The One”?
· Why did you decide to get married when you did?
· What do you want to accomplish together?
· What special promises do you want to make to your partner?
Whatever you write, it should be heartfelt, and in your own words. Your relationship is as unique as you are, so no one else can write these for you.
· Write or type your vows neatly on paper and practice reading them out loud, several times before the ceremony.
· Create an index card with bullet points on it in your pocket during the ceremony, in case you get tongue-tied.
· For those without pockets, an attendant can hold your index card for you.
· Consider attaching both of your index cards on your ring bearer's pillow. A single punch through a corner of the card will allow it to be
attached with a strand of the ribbon that also holds your rings in place.
· Look at your partner when saying your vows. This is the person who will comfort you for the rest of your life. Let him/her start now.
· Remember, what's most important is that you speak from your heart and let your partner hear your love in your voice and words.
Talk with your partner about the tone you want to set first. Should they be more formal or informal in tone? Do you want your vows to be deeply personal or not so much? Funny? How long? Are there certain things your fiancé wants included/excluded? Talk about what each of you expects the other's vows to include. Keep in mind these are the promises you are making to your partner that you will work hard to keep for many years to come. If you don't think you can keep it, don't promise it, or say "I will try to..."
Consider including some of the following when writing your vows:
· What were your first impressions when you met your fiancé?
· What qualities do you most admire in your partner?
· Is there a funny story you can tell about the two of you that won't embarrass your partner?
· How does your fiancé inspire you?
· Are there special traits your mate brings out in you?
· How do you feel when you see or are with your sweetheart?
· What makes your relationship tick?
· When did you know he/she was “The One”?
· Why did you decide to get married when you did?
· What do you want to accomplish together?
· What special promises do you want to make to your partner?
Whatever you write, it should be heartfelt, and in your own words. Your relationship is as unique as you are, so no one else can write these for you.
· Write or type your vows neatly on paper and practice reading them out loud, several times before the ceremony.
· Create an index card with bullet points on it in your pocket during the ceremony, in case you get tongue-tied.
· For those without pockets, an attendant can hold your index card for you.
· Consider attaching both of your index cards on your ring bearer's pillow. A single punch through a corner of the card will allow it to be
attached with a strand of the ribbon that also holds your rings in place.
· Look at your partner when saying your vows. This is the person who will comfort you for the rest of your life. Let him/her start now.
· Remember, what's most important is that you speak from your heart and let your partner hear your love in your voice and words.
After The Ceremony
· Your wedding vows are promises you made to your partner. Consider printing both of them side-by-side on a colorful background
and framing them.
· Start an annual tradition of reading your vows to each other on your anniversary.
and framing them.
· Start an annual tradition of reading your vows to each other on your anniversary.
Other Helpful Hints
Rev. Ronnie was interviewed by Tom Giffey of Volume One magazine
for their Weddings & Occasions insert, published on January 25, 2017. Here are some excerpts
from "Wedding Advice from the Pros":
What’s the most “Wisconsin” thing you’ve witnessed or been a part of at a local wedding?
“I moved here just a few years ago. The thing I’ve noticed most is that Wisconsinites love the outdoors, and especially hunting. I attended an outdoor wedding where the groom built the arbor under which they were going to be married from tree branches he found in the woods. It was then decorated with flowers, crystals, pearls, and decorative birds. His love for hunting was also reflected by using antlers and turkey feathers in the decorations. The bride wove flowering vines, strings of pearls, and fairies among them to reflect her feminine and playful sides as well. It was magical!” –Ronnie Roll, independent officiant
What advice would you offer couples to reduce wedding planning stress?
“The size and complexity of your wedding and reception can be in direct correlation to the amount of stress involved in planning it, especially if neither of you have been part of planning one before. There are also so many last-minute details that need attention on the day of the wedding, regardless of the size or complexity of the day. I suggest that all those details be written down in a notebook ahead of time. A day or two before the ceremony, the notebook is handed off to someone else who has agreed to oversee the completion of them. That way the couple can truly focus on what really matters that day – their love for each other, why they’re making this commitment, and enjoying the moments, their guests and each other. This day will never happen again; be fully present for it!” –Ronnie Roll, officiant
Are there wedding traditions you’d like to get rid of? What are they, and why?
“I believe that traditions can be a beautiful thing. They remind us of our heritage, our families, and the things that matter to us. The most important part of any tradition or ritual in today’s society is to make sure they are respectful of all who will participate in or witness them. I often create a special part of the ceremony that the couple can recreate on special occasions and anniversaries to remind them of their love and promises to each other as the years go by.” –Ronnie Roll, officiant
“I moved here just a few years ago. The thing I’ve noticed most is that Wisconsinites love the outdoors, and especially hunting. I attended an outdoor wedding where the groom built the arbor under which they were going to be married from tree branches he found in the woods. It was then decorated with flowers, crystals, pearls, and decorative birds. His love for hunting was also reflected by using antlers and turkey feathers in the decorations. The bride wove flowering vines, strings of pearls, and fairies among them to reflect her feminine and playful sides as well. It was magical!” –Ronnie Roll, independent officiant
What advice would you offer couples to reduce wedding planning stress?
“The size and complexity of your wedding and reception can be in direct correlation to the amount of stress involved in planning it, especially if neither of you have been part of planning one before. There are also so many last-minute details that need attention on the day of the wedding, regardless of the size or complexity of the day. I suggest that all those details be written down in a notebook ahead of time. A day or two before the ceremony, the notebook is handed off to someone else who has agreed to oversee the completion of them. That way the couple can truly focus on what really matters that day – their love for each other, why they’re making this commitment, and enjoying the moments, their guests and each other. This day will never happen again; be fully present for it!” –Ronnie Roll, officiant
Are there wedding traditions you’d like to get rid of? What are they, and why?
“I believe that traditions can be a beautiful thing. They remind us of our heritage, our families, and the things that matter to us. The most important part of any tradition or ritual in today’s society is to make sure they are respectful of all who will participate in or witness them. I often create a special part of the ceremony that the couple can recreate on special occasions and anniversaries to remind them of their love and promises to each other as the years go by.” –Ronnie Roll, officiant