Almost every marriage counselor or marital coach has heard "You don't love me!" only to be responded to with "What do you mean? I take the trash out every Monday night and make you coffee every morning before I go to work."
Many people have heard of the Five Love Languages as a concept, but many do not know what it refers to. Dr. Gary Chapman created this concept as a way for people to talk about how they give and receive positive feedback (love) from others more readily.
In the above instance, one party is expressing the feeling they feel unloved. The other party is expressing the fact they demonstrate their love by doing things for their partner. The first person more than likely is expressing the sentiment that they want the other person to tell them how they feel and they don't seem to acknowledge how the other person demonstrates how they feel through doing acts of service for their partner.
Dr. Chapman identifies the Five Languages as:
The point to be made is that awareness is the key - knowing how you typically demonstrate how you feel and how your partner wishes you to demonstrate that is huge, as there may be a disconnect in that give/take part of your relationship. So is knowing how you wish others would demonstrate how they feel about you, so that you can communicate that to them and they then can act accordingly to show their love for you.
This is true not only in our love relationships, but also in how we relate to our parents, our children, our friends and coworkers.
What would happen if you showed your partner that you care by mixing up the different ways you let them know you love them? Try it! See what happens!
Rev. Ronnie was ordained in 2010 as an interfaith minister through The New Seminary, located in New York City. She is available to perform ceremonies throughout the United States, aboard ship or in other countries.