Newly engaged and already wondering what you've gotten yourself into? Do you just want to hide in a box and wait til the planning's all over?
Planning a wedding is a LOT of work, especially if you both come from large families or have different ideas about how you'd like your special day to look. Choosing all the vendors to help you create your vision; trying to make all your friends and family happy; then there's the budget! How do you pull it all together?!?!
It's not uncommon for a couple (or one partner) to wonder if they really want to get married at all. You may question whether you're even right for each other. How did you not know he/she would be this (fill in the blank)?
Don't fret! Keep your eyes and hearts set on the end goal - spending the rest of your lives together. This is just one crazy day of it.
The planning process does however offer great clues to how the two of you react under stress, and how the two of you communicate when there are outside influences, strong opinions, and deadlines.
When I work with a couple during pre-marital counseling, this is what I focus on. I really don't care if one likes blue and the other likes pink. What I care about is how you each approach differences when they arise and how you work through them when they occur, because they will. We're all individuals with strong opinions, different experiences and visions for our own futures. And guess what? They change over time too! We look at your conflict resolution styles and develop insight into how the two of you can gain new skills and use the ones you already have, to build a strong and healthy relationship that will not only last, but grow become even better with time.
According to a survey published in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples with premarital education reported higher levels of marital satisfaction and experienced a 30 percent decline in the likelihood of divorce over five years.
Don't you owe your relationship that chance? If not now, before you get married, consider conflict resolution coaching after the honeymoon. The sooner the two of you learn to disagree and move through it, the better.
Rev. Ronnie was ordained in 2010 as an interfaith minister through The New Seminary, located in New York City. She is available to perform ceremonies throughout the United States, aboard ship or in other countries.